


Soundless Curses and Prayers

by cmere



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Anal Fingering, Established Relationship, M/M, Mostly Pwp, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Snuggling, earlyish in their relationship, figuring stuff out together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:14:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmere/pseuds/cmere
Summary: “Heteronormativity is such bullshit.” Ronan shifted more, bringing his thigh up over Adam’s hip. He took Adam’s hand and kissed the heel of his palm, then his knuckles. Adam felt a familiar warmth wash over him at Ronan’s attentions. Then Ronan moved Adam’s hand to his hip, then his ass. “Have you thought aboutthis?” he asked pointedly.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 46
Kudos: 421





	Soundless Curses and Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> Finished a reread of The Raven Boys and was reflecting on Adam figuring out his bi identity. Decided to explore it with smut?? Pretty typical of me. Thanks to the Dreamers discord folks for reading it over and reassuring me and bibliosoph for the title!! <3

Adam was floating, loose-limbed and boneless. Ronan had spent the past indeterminate amount of time worshipping Adam’s body with his mouth, which he was prone to doing. It always started the same way: the pads of Adam’s fingertips against Ronan’s lips, a soft sigh out of Adam’s mouth, and a gentle hum from Ronan, like a call and response. Adam was warm, sated, tangled up in him as they lay side by side on his bed, facing each other. Ronan’s face was buried in his neck, and Adam blinked slowly against his buzzed head. The hair had grown out enough that it felt soft and tickly on Adam’s cheek. Ronan would shave it again soon. Adam smiled, enjoying the intimacy that comes with knowing the precise length of hair someone else can tolerate.

They lay there for quite some time. Somewhere deep in his chest, Adam was beginning to experience increasing pressure to reciprocate, the awareness that Ronan was still half-hard against his thigh weighing on him. Ronan must have felt something in Adam shift, because he abruptly pulled back, finding Adam’s eyes with his.

“You don’t fucking owe me anything, Parrish,” Ronan said.

“I know,” Adam replied. “I—” _want to_ , he was about to say, but he stopped himself. It was a lie, and Ronan hated lies. Adam was perfectly content to stay like this, letting his aching body rest, and Ronan knew it. Still, it stirred up an ugly feeling of guilt in him. Ronan would spend every spare second he had (which was to say, every second of his life) pleasuring Adam if he thought that was what Adam wanted. Adam did like it—a lot—but he needed to do other things to honor his sense of personal responsibility. He needed to feel accomplished. And he wanted Ronan to feel as fulfilled as he always did. He wasn’t _selfish_.

Ronan was watching him with a sort of naked interest. Adam realized Ronan was wondering what he had been about to say.

“I was just thinking about what you’d want,” Adam finished lamely. It wasn’t really a lie. He had been contemplating what he should do. It had just been more in the sense of: what could he summon the energy _to_ do?

“You don’t have to do anything, you lazy fuck,” Ronan said, then grinned at him. Ronan had taken to calling him lazy lately when he meant the opposite. Adam nudged his thigh against Ronan’s dick and started rubbing, slightly. The brief conversation had pulled him out of his tranquil reverie, and he felt a spark in his gut at the flash of Ronan’s teeth, at the way Ronan responded to him now, shifting and hardening beneath him.

“What do you want?” Adam asked, because now he was curious what Ronan would say. He wasn’t expecting anything wildly out of the ordinary, which is why it took him aback when Ronan paused. Pauses signaled uncertainty, and Ronan generally took uncertainty as a sign of weakness. Adam nudged him again, more insistently. “What?”

“I’m trying not to freak you out,” Ronan said. “You’ve been bi, like, all of five seconds.”

“What do you mean?” Adam said, puzzled both at what Ronan was referring to as well as the notion that Ronan would _not_ want to freak him out.

“Did you ever want to fuck guys?” Ronan asked him, ignoring the question. “Before me?”

“No,” Adam replied truthfully. “I mean, I didn’t not want to, either.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t know it was a possibility. I didn’t think about it and think it was gross, or anything like that. I just didn’t think about it at all. I knew I liked girls, so I didn’t go any deeper than that.”

“Heteronormativity is such bullshit.” Ronan shifted more, bringing his thigh up over Adam’s hip. He took Adam’s hand and kissed the heel of his palm, then his knuckles. Adam felt a familiar warmth wash over him at Ronan’s attentions. Then Ronan moved Adam’s hand to his hip, then his ass. “Have you thought about _this_?” he asked pointedly. 

Adam’s eyebrows raised, seemingly of their own accord.

“Um, theoretically, yes,” Adam said. “But not really...in detail.”

“Does it gross you out to think about now?”

Adam paused, considering. His hand on Ronan’s ass was nothing new. He slid his fingers closer to Ronan’s cleft, let them dip in a little. That was new. Ronan jerked under his touch. That was also new. It made the base of his spine tingle.

“No,” Adam said, newly confident that he could say it as truth. “Is that what you want?”

“Not the whole thing. Just...your hands.”

Adam smirked. Ronan grunted, punched Adam’s arm, and rolled over, reaching for the bedside table. His warmth went with him; Adam shivered. Ronan Lynch lit him up, inside and out.

“Use this,” Ronan said, pressing a small bottle of lube into Adam’s hand as he rolled back. Adam’s knee found its way between Ronan’s thighs again, and Ronan hitched his leg back up over Adam’s hip. Adam thought about how Ronan was effectively spreading himself open for him and shivered again, this time for a different reason.

“You’ll tell me if it’s not...okay?” Adam said, hesitant.

“Yeah, yeah.” Now it was Adam’s turn to smack Ronan. “Yes. I’ll tell you.”

Adam leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Ronan’s for a lingering kiss. Something that had surprised Adam to find out was that Ronan loved kissing. It made Adam like it more, too. Ronan kissed like he did everything else that got his adrenaline up: rough and intense and at 100 miles per hour. Adam liked to slow him down, get him frustrated, until he melted under Adam’s mouth. When Adam pulled back for air, Ronan’s lips sought him out again. He put his hands on Adam’s face like he was staking some kind of claim. Bizarrely, Adam didn’t mind. He was working to reconcile the fact that he could prize his independence above all else and still want to feel like he was _Ronan’s_. 

Adam flipped open the cap to the bottle of lube. The noise made Ronan look down between them, then back up. His eyes glinted. Adam poured out some lube on his fingers. He’d never used it before, so he wasn’t sure how much he needed. He looked at Ronan, inquiring. Ronan’s hands slid down, arms winding around his neck.

“Yeah,” Ronan said. “That’s good.”

Adam moved his hand around Ronan’s back, resisting the urge to run his fingers down Ronan’s spine. It was hard, because Ronan generally turned unrecognizably soft when Adam’s fingers were moving in secret places on his body, and turning Ronan soft was like a come-from-behind, hard-earned victory, every time. But he didn’t want to accidentally wipe off the lube. His fingers reached Ronan’s ass again, and this time he slid down Ronan’s cleft with intention. Ronan made a small noise.

“Are you okay?”

“Your hand is fucking cold, Parrish.”

“Oh,” Adam said. “Sorry.” He couldn’t really do anything about it now, so he pressed on, until he felt the texture of skin change. It was breathtaking to perceive it. He rubbed his fingers there, serving the dual purpose of exploring and trying to warm them up. Ronan exhaled against his cheek in a _whoosh_ of air. Then, Adam noticed, his breathing got faster. Adam ducked his head and found the pulse point at Ronan’s throat with his tongue. He felt the vibration of Ronan’s groan in his mouth. It set his core alight.

Adam pressed forward with his middle finger. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but somehow he was surprised at how easily it slid in. Ronan’s breath got faster still. Adam’s mouth stilled on his throat as he focused on the movement of his hand, the tension in Ronan’s body, the rapid _thud, thud, thud_ of his pulse. He fucked Ronan slowly, trying to be gentle, wondering what it felt like, if he was doing it right, what Ronan was thinking. He added a second finger and actually felt Ronan stretching around him, hot and fucking elastic. It was an unreal experience.

Adam pulled back and searched Ronan’s face. His eyes were closed, his jaw tensed, his breathing shallow through his teeth. Adam wanted to turn his thoughts into questions—how was he doing? What was it like? Did Ronan need anything?—but he knew Ronan wouldn’t want him to. Instead, he tried angling his fingers in different ways, pressing in shallow and then deep, thrusting hard and rubbing gently, until Ronan’s entire body spasmed and he said, “Ah! Fuck. Do that again.”

Adam did, and Ronan’s body jerked again, and his hands gripped Adam’s shoulders, tight. Adam did it again, and Ronan’s thighs started to tremble, and Adam felt Ronan leaking between them. Adam fucked Ronan with his hand and Ronan moaned and moaned, and Adam fisted Ronan’s cock and started jerking him quick and rough, the way he liked it. Ronan became a shaking, cursing mess under Adam’s hands, and Adam had long forgotten the fatigue that plagued him before. He felt _alive_ , lost in the wonder of Ronan’s body responding to his touch, nearly crushed by the intimacy of being inside him. 

When Ronan came, his body went more still and taut than Adam had ever seen it, until his hips snapped up and up and _up_ , movements wrecked and jerking. His lips formed soundless curses or prayers; for Ronan, maybe they were both. Adam had never seen anything like it, and he was left breathless in its wake.

Ronan lunged forward and took Adam’s lips in a desperate kiss, even as he heaved great gulps of air. Adam let his hand, still messy with lube, come to rest on Ronan’s hip. Ronan grabbed Adam’s other hand, slick with come, and brought it to his mouth, sucking in two fingers, nipping at his thumb. The thrill Adam felt as he did this hadn’t lessened since the first time it happened. Ronan’s fixation on his hands was equal parts perplexing and arousing.

“Fuck _me_ ,” Ronan breathed out, releasing Adam’s fingers. Adam dropped them to Ronan’s cheek, thumb brushing there, tucking imaginary hair behind his ear.

“I thought I just did,” Adam said. He grinned, a little bashful. Ronan gave him a cutting smile in return, his eyes going laser sharp. “Was it...did you like it?”

Ronan’s eyes narrowed even further. Adam hadn’t realized it was possible. “You’re dumber than you look.” His voice was a little higher than usual, and he was still breathing hard, betraying his usual intimidating facade. Adam laughed. Ronan kissed him, presumably to shut him up.

“Was that the gayest thing you’ve ever done?” Ronan asked when he was done kissing him.

“I had a dream about you fucking me in Cabeswater,” Adam replied. “Is that gayer?”

Ronan shoved him. “You had a fucking dream about that and you didn’t _tell_ me?”

“It was before we were together.”

Ronan stared at him. Against his will, Adam felt a blush creep across his cheeks.

“What?” he said defensively. “I knew you liked me. How many dreams did _you_ have about fucking _me_?”

“It’s always...the other way around,” Ronan mumbled. “I never thought you’d want to do that.”

“Guess you don’t know everything about me.”

“Learning more every goddamn day.” Ronan continued to eye him. Adam tried not to squirm under the intensity of his gaze.

“That was pretty gay, though,” Adam said finally. He rolled onto his back and stretched his arms above his head, flexing his wrists. “Does that make me officially bi?”

“Don’t be an idiot. It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are. You don’t have to prove shit to anybody. Including yourself, Parrish.”

Adam started to sit up. Ronan could be, Adam thought, very wise. When he wanted to. Which wasn’t very often. He shared this thought with Ronan.

“Don’t fucking tell anybody,” Ronan said, then tackled him.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are amazing!! I'm on [tumblr](https://omgcmere.tumblr.com/)/[twitter](https://twitter.com/cmere)!


End file.
